I Am The Queen of Sadness

Welcome, new subscribers

Illustration by Author

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Yesterday I was featured in Substack’s Weekender newsletter and this morning I woke up with 200 new followers. So, first and foremost, welcome to my tiny and often neglected Substack where I publish essays about navigating grief. I lost my daughter Ana to cancer in 2017. Here is the origin story of that journey (currently my most read piece on Medium).

I also write about parenting my newly minted adult (but not yet fledged) daughter Emily. Sometimes I write about aging. I occasionally write about writing. I’m not above writing about an amazing book, movie, TV show, podcast, or album I love. I often write about birds because, as you will learn if you stick around, I adore all feathered creatures.

If you had stumbled upon my writing seven years ago, you would’ve encountered someone who was still deeply grieving. I have climbed out of that darkest place of grief, but I still refer to myself as The Queen of Sadness - at least when it comes to my writing. I am often sad, this is true. I miss Ana. She died when she was 15, so she would’ve turned 23 this year. Each year that passes without her is its own kind of loss - of milestones, memories, possibilities… I often contemplate death and then write about these musings. You’ve been warned.

Here’s a funny story. Yesterday morning, a few minutes before my essay about the moon appeared in Substack’s newsletter, I’d been in the process of changing the name of my Substack from Grief Book Club to The Halfway Path.

I manage a publication called Grief Book Club on Medium, which features my writing, but also includes stories of loss and grief from other writers. It felt confusing to have two different publications called Grief Book Club, so I decided to rebrand. The Halfway Path was the name of a (now defunct) blog I kept for a few months after Ana died.

As I was changing things around, I started noticing lots of notifications and that’s when I saw the feature in Substack’s newsletter. So if you see the words “Grief Book Club” anywhere as you navigate here, that’s why. I’m not sure I finished the name change before all the excitement hit. And I’m still excited. I’m so glad you’re here.

I’m happy for more people to read about Ana (I write about her often). I’m eager to read your work too. Substack is a fun new adventure. I have only the tiniest of expectations about this platform, but I do know one thing. I’m glad to have another place to share my work - and Ana - with some new readers.